While the divorce rate hovers at 50% every year, the meaning of love has taken on so many different definitions that people are left wondering exactly what love means. The vow of commitment has been replaced with a culture of divorce and overall it has had a devastating effect on families and society. People seem amazed to hear about a couple celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary as if this married couple is super-human. Ask any couple that has been married 25 years and they will tell you one clear thing about love, that is, love is not always based on a feeling. In other words, there are many times when love is an act of the will.

People change, circumstances change, and feelings change. That “in-love” feeling a couple experiences the first year of marriage can easily turn into feelings of anger, resentment, boredom, etc. Then the “D” word (divorce) is suddenly brought up in the conversations. Because one person doesn’t feel love for their spouse, they divorce and move on to another spouse only to have the exact same feelings and results happen all over again. Furthermore, the secular world looks at Christian marriages and sees no difference between a secular marriage and a Christian marriage. In fact, some studies suggest that the divorce rate among Christian couples is higher than in non-Christian marriages. This is a sad example to set for the world.

God hates divorce. I didn’t come up with that myself; God said it long ago. Are there times when a divorce is necessary? Of course, and God knows that. We are fallen sinful creatures and many times our thoughts and deeds are the opposite of what love should be. Adultery does cause many divorces, but there are far too many marriages ended on the basis of not feeling love for ones spouse.

So what is love? Can it even be described? The answer is yes, and God in the Bible gives the answer. God’s definition of love is easy to understand but can be hard to accept. This applies not only to married couples but also to any individual or family member. When God says to “love your enemy”, are we to wait until we “feel” like loving them before we do? If so, we could be waiting a lifetime and this isn’t what God had in mind. Many times our love for someone must be a matter of the will. Is that hard to accomplish? Some would say it’s not only hard, but also impossible. But when you are dealing with a marriage, if only our feelings define what love is, we will see people getting divorced as fast as they got married. In fact, we are seeing that.

God’s definition of love is at once beautiful and a challenge, yet it is the true meaning of the word love. I believe that if every couple would read this passage every morning before they start their day, the divorce rate among Christians would take a downturn.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind." (Do you have patience toward your spouse? Are you easily upset? Does kindness exist, even in the midst of a disagreement?)

"Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud." (Is there something about your mate you are jealous of in a wrong way? Is it getting in the way of your relationship growing?)

"Love is not rude, love is not self-serving, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs." (Does your attitude need an adjustment? Are you putting your mates needs before your own? What about your temper? Notice it doesn’t say to never get angry, it says love is not easily angered. Do you have a “short fuse”? Do you need to step back and count to 10? Have you forgiven your mate for past mistakes? Do you keep bringing things up from the past to hurt them?)

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (Do you trust each other? Would you freely give up your life for your mate? In the bad times do you hold onto hope? Is your commitment so strong to each other that you know with God’s help you will make it through anything together?)

This is love. Notice that nowhere does it say that love is a feeling. Feelings of love are magnificent, but the chances are good that there will be times when those feelings won’t “feel” like love. It is in these times when we must turn to the true meaning of the word love, not only in our thoughts but our actions as well. If all of us, including myself, would live out the true meaning of the word “love”, the Church as a whole would be a much better example to the world.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greater of these is love.”
(1 Cor 13:13)

“Love must be sincere.”
(Romans 12:9)

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
(Matt 22:39)

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
(John 15:13)

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
(John 13:35)

Copyright 2002 - David Wood