Shalom Family and Friends,
Ephesians chapter one verse eighteen became real to me these past few weeks :
"...that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints..."
Quite often, we read scriptures that sound so encouraging but we rarely realize what they entail. For instance, the verse above sounds very beautiful in principle (and it is) but we may not see that, to get to this point, we may have to endure things that will ultimately bring us to the end of ourselves. Contrary to popular church opinion, God desires for us to get to a place where we have nothing to depend upon but Him. I can honestly say that every man and woman God used in the Bible had to go through something that made them learn this lesson in it's completion. Sadly, this is not a promoted doctrine within the church. I don't know many people who have said, "I can't wait for God to bring me to the end of myself so that He will become more real to me and I can be more effective for His Calling upon my life." In fact, the term "calling" isn't used much these days and rarely do people step forward and say they have a specific calling, and if they do, they are sometimes misunderstood or ultimately rejected for it, as I was at one point in my life. My heart goes out to these precious people yet I know from experience that God will do huge things through these!
These past weeks, God has humbled me in ways I have never had to be humbled before. And like most humans, I have struggled, gotten angry (just ask my mom about all the phone calls where I've had to vent!) and experienced fear to a degree but am now at the acceptance stage and feel that I am learning valuable lessons that will gear me up for future challenges. I believe every missionary goes through this after they have passed the "honeymoon" stage of their calling. When they have adapted as much as they can within that culture and even feel like the culture they came from is more foreign than the culture they've moved into!
It's at this point that God really begins to move... He begins to challenge us and help us go deeper and depend on Him more strongly. He asks us if we truly mean what we say when we commit to the Call He has given us (example: Abraham and Isaac). All of the sudden, the things of the culture that used to draw you to it now frustrate you. One more elbow in the ribs getting on the bus, one more bomb scare as your trying to get home at the end of the day, one more of anything can feel like the final knock out punch. I sometimes observe tourists and short-term teams that visit us and I admire their naivety. It's sweet and energetic and untainted by the harsh realities of the Middle-Eastern culture.
My recent challenges have been from feeling physically ill to dealing with new governmental restrictions set upon ministries such as CFI that cause us to have to work overtime and make lots of changes. Having several appliances break or malfunction to reaching complete physical and mental exhaustion. From unexpected water and electricity bills that came last minute to experiencing rejection from unexpected people. The chore of preparing supplies for war to having to prepare myself for the chores of the day. One of these alone can wear a person down, not to mention all of these things all at once.
And this is when the enemy can sneak in and try to steal the joy and peace of my calling. There are times I have just broken down and cried myself to sleep thinking I couldn't physically get out of bed the next day... this is what I call the "Core of the Call". When I have to decide if I am going to remain faithful to my calling and continue to press on in spite of all of the trials. On one hand it would make logical sense to choose an easier life. I don't have to do what I am doing... but yet on the other hand, I do! This is what I am called to do and He who is called Faithful and True is just that. He gives me the grace to wake up and start over each day, regardless of the trials. I am sold out for Yeshua and refuse to give in.
As Jeremiah said (20:9):
"I will not make mention of Him,
Nor speak anymore in His name."
But His word was in my heart like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding it back,
And I could not.
Why do I share all of this? Because I need your prayers to pull me through these next six weeks before I have a month of vacation. The hardest time of the year for me is the two months before my break. I specifically need your prayers for health, peaceful sleep without bad dreams, wisdom to make good decisions at CFI, patience in my daily routine, God's provision for my needs and the ability to prepare for the
soon approaching war. I know I can count on you.
I would also like to ask for your prayer for our two friends Daniella and Roii who are still seeking God and are on their way to becoming Believers. God is doing exciting things in these times and it's instances such as these that give me the motivation to keep doing what I am doing. I also ask for your prayers for CFI as new visa restrictions and Amuta (non-profit) regulations are making it more difficult on us. Please pray that we would ultimately perform God's will in each situation. Tomer could also use prayer as he is at a two month Sergeant's training course in the north. It is going very well for him and though I miss him, I do get to see him on the weekends. He is also becoming more bold and is openly sharing his faith with the other guys.
I am so very excited to see you soon in the States! My heart is renewed with joy at the thought of seeing your faces and sharing with you. Please pray for a safe and smooth journey and that the war would hold off until we return back to Israel so that our vacation time will not get cut short since Tomer would be called in to serve.
I love you all and thank you for your support.
This is Erin reporting LIVE from Jerusalem...